| jploveparade |
Old Joe walked into a bar and began ordering
martini after martini. After each drink he
removed the olives and placed them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all
the drinks consumed, Joe got up to leave.
"S'cuse me," said the bartender, "What was
that all about?"
"Nothing," answered Joe, "my wife just sent
me out for a jar of olives."
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Finding one of her students making faces at
others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped
to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher
said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told
if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze
and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith,
you can't say you weren't warned."
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A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a
train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So
how high can you advance in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could
become a Bishop."
"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks
the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very
good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop,"
said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than
that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could
be made a Cardinal," said the priest.
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said, "I
suppose that I could be elected Pope, but..."
Then the Rabbi says "And could you be anything
higher than that? Is there any way to go up from
being the Pope?"
"What!?! Do you want me to become the Messiah
Himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back and said, "One of our boys
made it."
---------------------------
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was maintaining
a vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, tears
ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she
said.
"Rest. Shhh. Don't talk." He was insistent.
"Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something
I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, and your mother."
"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
-----------------------
An Irish Priest and a Rabbi found themselves
sharing a compartment on a train. After a while,
the Priest opened a conversation by saying "I
know that, in your religion, you're not supposed
to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "Well, I must tell the truth.
Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation.
He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you're
supposed to be celibate. But...."
The Priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're
going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while.
Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he
was reading and inquired, "Er... Better than
pork, isn't it?" |
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