| Az |
> >>A salesman decides to try for a new job in a department store.
> >>The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
> >>The man, "Yeah, I've been a salesman all my life."
> >>The boss liked him, so he gave him the job. "You start
> >>tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
> >>
> >>His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
> >>After the shop was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did
> >>you make today?"
> >>The salesman says, "One."
> >>The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30
> >>sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
> >>"£50,237.64."
> >>"£50,237.64? What the hell did you sell him?"
> >>"First I sold him a some fish hooks.Then I sold him a new
> >>fishing rod.
> >>Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down
> >>at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down
> >>to the boat department, and I sold him that big twin engine job. Then
> >>he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him
> >>down to the car department and sold him a 4x4 Land Rover."
> >>
> >>The boss said, "Somebody came in here to buy fish hooks and
> >>you sold him a boat and 4x4?"
> >>"No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and
> >>I said, "Well, since your weekend's f**ked, you may as well go
> >>fishing.
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> The Bunny and the Snake
>
> Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an
> orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.
>
> By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
>
> One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
> slithering through the forest, when the bunny
> tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake
> about quite a bit.
>
> "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
> I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,
since
> I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
>
> "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I,
too,
> have been blind since birth, and also never
> knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and
work
> out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
>
> "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
>
> So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered
> with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have
a
> soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
>
> "Oh, Thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
>
> The bunny then suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over
with
> my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."
>
> So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth
and
> slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say
> you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior
management".
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This bloke walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. What are you so happy about?' asks the barman.
'Well, I'll tell you,'replied the bloke, 'You know I work on the railway?
Well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in those movies. I of course,
went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a
long story short, I scored big time!'We made love all night, all over the
house.
We did everything, doggy style, spoons, me on top, sometimes her on top.
I was totally shagged out this morning!'
'Fantastic,' exclaimed the barman, 'you lucky sod, did you get a bl*w job?'
'No,' he said ' I never found her head. |
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