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| Luke Terry |
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, " I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE... SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Madam?
"Only when he's been drinking."
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| DJ Mikey Mike |
A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed 'I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother..'
The man arched an eyebrow... Anything? he asked.
Yes, anything the blonde promised.
Well then, just follow me, said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. Come in and close the door the man said. She did.
He then said, Now get on your knees. She did.
Now take down my zipper. She did.
Now go ahead, take it out he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, Well then............ go ahead.
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...
HELLO MUM ........................CAN YOU HEAR ME?? |
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| DJ Mikey Mike |
A girl walks in to a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 Bar of Soap
1 Toothbrush
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 frozen pizza
The bloke behind her in the queue taps her on the shoulder.
He is carrying a basket with a six pack of stella, a pizza and some Wagon Wheels.
As she turns he smiles at her and says, "Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies "How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says
"Because you're minging" |
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| Spin Doctor |
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackaddict.
:( |
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| Googooly |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spin Doctor
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackaddict.
:( |
booooooooooo!!!! :p |
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tranceaddict Forums Archive > Local Scene Info / Discussion > Europe > Europe - United Kingdom & Ireland
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