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| jp |
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back
Q: How do you make a one armed blonde fall out of a tree?
A: You wave and she'll wave back
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: her brain
Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3: If you go on explaining, blondes might actually get them.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at UF?
A: Too many blonde contestants were drowning.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a vegetarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved. |
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| Mike_Foyle |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ian^
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-Why are Chavs like slinkies?
-They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
-How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
-Paint three stripes on it..
-What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
-One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
-What do chavs use as protection during sex?
-A bus shelter!
-How do you know Essex council chavs invented the female body?
-Because only they would be stupid enough to put a playe area next to a hole.
-How do you stop a chav from drowning?
-Take your foot off their head.
-What's the difference between a Chav girl and the Grand Old Duke of York?
-The Grand Old Duke of york only had ten thousand men...
-What did the little chav say to the big chav?
-"Can you get served?"
-What you call Chav shoved in a file cabinet and launched off a pier into the sea?
-Wet, but still Sorted
-What do you do if you run a chav over?
-Slip it into reverse just to make sure.
-What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of the river?
-A good start |
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| shades_of_gray |
| quote: | Originally posted by FirstBorn
One for the older UKTA's:
The Paul Daniels magic show is being filmed live and the cameras are rolling. Unfortunately Paul Daniels has run out of magic tricks.
In a panic, Paul Daniels gets off the stage and goes out into the audience. "Does anyone know any tricks?" he asks.
A guy near the front puts up his hand. "I do", he says.
So Paul Daniels gets the man up onto the stage and asks him what equipment he needs to do his trick. "I need a chair and a piece of rope," says the bloke.
Paul Daniels fetches the man his chair and a piece of rope. "OK - off you go," says Daniels, "Do your trick."
"I also need Debbie McGee," says the bloke.
Paul Daniels goes and fetches his lovely wife Debbie McGee from backstage and presents her to the man. "Can you please do your trick now?" asks Daniels.
"OK," says the bloke and grabs Debbie McGee, rips her sequined dress off, bends her over and ties her to the chair. He then begins ing her as hard as he can.
Paul Daniels is shocked and dismayed. "Hold on - that isn't a trick!"
"I know," says the bloke, "But it's ing magic." |
:stongue: i like it! |
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| jp |
| A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, 'The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.' The Frenchman says, 'I take ze poison.' The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, 'Vive la France!' and drinks it down. The Englishman says, 'A pistol for me, please.' The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, 'God save the queen!' and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, 'Gimme a fork.' The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, 'What are you doing???' The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, 'So much for your canoe, !' |
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| shades_of_gray |
whats the cleverist thing to have come from a womans mouth?
Einsteins Dick
Whats white and wriggles its way across a dancefloor?
Come Dancing
what do u call a lesbian with thick fingers?
well hung
what do u call a serbian prostitute?
slobberdownmecockyerbitch
How do u stop a dog from shagging your leg?
pick him up and suck his cock
Why dont gypsys wear condoms?
cos they have crystal balls and can see when there coming
what does a gynaecologist have in common with a pizza delivary man?
they both get to smell the goods but arnt aloud to eat it |
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