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| Light The Fuse |
Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.
Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.
Q: How many people does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried.
Q: why are the French afraid of soap?
A1: because if they drop it the Germans will F*#@ them again
A2: they have never seen it before
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.
Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.
Q: Where do you find 60 million French jokes?
A: In France.
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS TOUGH DECISION?
You are the President of The United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed toward Earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in two days, at approximately 2:30 AM EST. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever.
France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Many of the ships and planes you could be sending are being used to fight the war on terror overseas.
As President, you must decide. Do you:
1. Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live?
or
2. Do you tape it and watch it in the morning?
Q. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
A. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes.
Now you know
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.
The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants.
Q. Why are the French so afraid of war?
A. You would be too if you never won one in your history.
A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. The barman says "That's an real ugly bird you've there. Where did you get it?"
The parrot says "I got it in France ... There's millions of 'em there"
The French still need more proof that Michael Jackson has had plastic surgery.
Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?
A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!
Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine?
He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town.
Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf?
A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better.
Q: Why do French men have moustaches?
A: To remind them of their mothers.
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French".
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French &$^*& again!'
"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman
"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn
"As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi situation. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." —Jay Leno
"Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?" —Jay Leno
"President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Wow, this guy can't stop slamming the French." —Craig Kilborn
"After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno
"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly." —Jay Leno
"Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures — just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done." —Jay Leno
An officer in the US Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both Navies.
The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked,” Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
Without hesitation, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and the Americans have arranged it so you would not have to speak German."
to be posted in the french forum :) |
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| severnayaprods |
toooooo long for me mate!
i suppose we're gays, we smell , bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla and of course, we the Kangas so well!
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| Light The Fuse |
| haha, nah, the general jist of it is that you are pussies... |
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| severnayaprods |
| quote: | Originally posted by Light The Fuse
haha, nah, the general jist of it is that you are pussies... |
well... so we're able to piss on your Kangas???
:stongue: :haha: :crazy: |
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| Light The Fuse |
:wtf:
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| Light The Fuse |
| "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton |
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| severnayaprods |
| quote: | Originally posted by Light The Fuse
:wtf:
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This guy wanted to be shot with his BIG DILDO!!!
:toothless |
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| _Marco_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Light The Fuse
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton |
seriously do you have any division? |
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tranceaddict Forums Archive > Local Scene Info / Discussion > Australia
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