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Melbourne Clubber Tribes
 
r e z
***Cut out from local Beat magazine, found it quite humurous cos it was so SPOT ON! **** its alot funnier with the illustrations.

Candy Ravers

Where you'll find them: Anywhere the music is hard and fast. Naïve Candies truly believe the scene is ruled by Peace, Love, Unity and Respect, rather than by Drugs, Bass, Money and Cynicism, and travel to wide variety of parties to spread this message, oblivious to the cold stares of the jaded.

Fashion: Anything that looks great when you're peaking and feels great when you're having a big sweaty e-hug.

Dance Style: Most Candies are young-uns fresh out of the Freeza under age dance party scene, so they can be a bit confused when thrusting their hips, sticking their chest out and miming the vocals doesn’t work too well. But pretty soon they start shuffling like a pro (and everyone else in the place).

Favourite Saying: "I love you guys soooooo much!" (to their 'great friends' they met five minutes ago).

Drug of Choice: Anything sleazy older guys give them to try and get them in the sack.

Opposing Tribe: Chinstrokers.



Shufflers

Where you'll find them: Front left speaker. Or front right speaker. Anywhere you look on the dance floor actually.

Fashion: Becoming a Shuffler is the first port of call for former Candy's, so expect to still see a bit of fluff or fluoro about. However, being a Shuffler is all about being part of the herd, so wearing, or doing, anything too individual is a no-no. Baggy pants, tight t-shirts and hooded jumpers and those stupid bloody visor things are order of the day.

Dance Style: The Melbourne shuffle, obviously. From that simple combo of sliding, crossing and spinning Shufflers take their name, identity and apparent reason for existence. That and drugs of course. Can't forget the drugs.

It's supposed to be a free form dance, but fuzz your eyes while watching a group of Shufflers on the floor and you could swear they are doing the Timewarp, or line dancing to Nutbush City Limits.

Favourite saying: "So, what are you on tonight?" – said to absolutely everyone they meet at a party, as soon as non drug related conversation runs out (generally after about 4.7 seconds).

Drug of choice: Eccy's at first, then speed once they stop working, then meth, then K, then G, then the hospital emergency ward.

Opposing Tribe: Lost Bogans.


Ferals (aka doofers)

Where you'll find them: In summer – travelling from bush doof to bush doof in clapped out Combi van/4WD/converted bus, preaching their message of love, understanding and lack of personal hygiene wherever they go.

In winter: Working in their private medical practice in Toorak. (Except for the hardy few who throw and attend bush parties even into the depths of winter, who really belong to a separate tribe known as Nutcases.)

Fashion: The weirdest you will come across anywhere, period. From typical hippy gear to giant ant costumes, and full-fledged silver ice queen outfits to complete nudity. See above reference to Nutcases.

Dance Style: Not much shuffling here, 'cos Ferals don't move their feet much (its hard to keep your balance while you're tripping off your scone). Most do either the Bush Doof Push, which involves grinning like a crazy person while thrusting your hips around in circles, or get into a slow, shuddering groove with their face towards the ground. It’s kind of hard to bust out when you've been on the dance floor for three straight days.

Favourite saying: Something completely unintelligible, punctuated by lots of "mans" and "dudes" and endless theories of existence.

Drug of choice: Acid, mescalin, DMT, chat, nutmeg…as long as it makes strange, then its all good.

Opposing tribe: Glitterati.


Lost Bogans

Where you'll find them: Wandering around any dance party, wondering where the they are and when the band is going to start playing some Acca Dacca.

Fashion: Flannel shirts, torn jeans, megadeath t-shirts and a VB surgically attached to their hand.

Dance Style: When they're just drunk – a classy stumble around the dance floor, making sure they knock into everyone at least once.

Once somebody gives them a pill – same as above, except they crack onto every girl they see before passing out on the couch.

Favourite saying: "Oi! What's this techno ?”

Drug of choice: The cream of cheap domestic beer, or some Fruity Lexia (better known as goon) for the ladies.

Opposing Tribe: Shufflers.


Glitterati

Where you'll find them: Mink Bar, Honkytonks, 161…anywhere even giving the bouncer a blowjob doesn't guarantee entry.

Fashion: The latest lines specially shipped from Europe's top designers. Only problem is its coming into summer over there so there's going to be a lot of cold glamour pusses huddling in corners over the next few months.

Dance Style: lots of pouting, sexy little shimmies and hip wiggling strut. Nothing too strenuous though, because they can't risk breaking a sweat and ruining their makeup, and its damn hard to get your groove on while wearing 12 inch stilettos.

Favourite Saying: "So as I was saying to (enter celebrities name here) when we were at (enter name of exclusive nightspot here)…”

Drug of choice: Only the finest charlie of course, darling!

Opposing Tribe: Ferals.


Chinstrokers (aka Jaded Ravers)

Where you'll find them: Up the back, at the bar, looking over the DJ's shoulder and lurking in dark corners with a sneer on their face.

Fashion: The same casual clothes they would wear to a friend's house or a pub. They are way passed getting especially dressed up to go to a club. The aforementioned sneer and a bourbon and coke are the only fashion accessories they need.

Dance Style: Chinstrokers? Dance? You've got to be kidding. The only time a Chinstroker would head to the dance floor would be to take the piss out of a Candy or Shuffler for the amusement of their Chinstroking mates.

Favourite Saying: "The scene has become so commercial. Back in my day people were here for the right reasons. These days it’s just all about the drugs. Blah blah blah blah blah, wankety wank wank…"

Drug of Choice: Chinstrokers are too cool for party drugs, sticking to their dark spirits and the occasional imported beer. Or so they want you to think. They actually shaft about ten pills, but if they let anyone know they are wasted they wouldn't be able to feel superior to all the garners on the dance floor.

Opposing Tribe: Candy Ravers.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

end. i think most the TA's are guilty of chinstroking
:stongue: :stongue:
Psygnosis
haha nice one!

quote:

Chinstrokers (aka Jaded Ravers)

Where you'll find them: Up the back, at the bar, looking over the DJ's shoulder and lurking in dark corners with a sneer on their face.

Fashion: The same casual clothes they would wear to a friend's house or a pub. They are way passed getting especially dressed up to go to a club. The aforementioned sneer and a bourbon and coke are the only fashion accessories they need.

Dance Style: Chinstrokers? Dance? You've got to be kidding. The only time a Chinstroker would head to the dance floor would be to take the piss out of a Candy or Shuffler for the amusement of their Chinstroking mates.

Favourite Saying: "The scene has become so commercial. Back in my day people were here for the right reasons. These days it’s just all about the drugs. Blah blah blah blah blah, wankety wank wank…"

Drug of Choice: Chinstrokers are too cool for party drugs, sticking to their dark spirits and the occasional imported beer. Or so they want you to think. They actually shaft about ten pills, but if they let anyone know they are wasted they wouldn't be able to feel superior to all the garners on the dance floor.

Opposing Tribe: Candy Ravers.



:toothless


why are they called Candy Ravers for anyways?
-=M=-
god no please tell me i'm not jaded already???
JayKuE
quote:
Originally posted by r e z

It's supposed to be a free form dance, but fuzz your eyes while watching a group of Shufflers on the floor and you could swear they are doing the Timewarp, or line dancing to Nutbush City Limits.



LOL
nearly fell off the chair reading that.
Matt P
i think the candy part reffers to the fact that they always suck on chuppa chups

or so im led to believe :p
stamper
haha, good read!
astroboy1980
it's funny... cos it's true...

:crazy:
eRRaTiK
when do the tribes merge?!

gooo survivor 9!!

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