Partial success. No one will ever notice that the print mentioned is level, let alone that it is perfectly centered over the couch (which is in line with the protrusion on the other side) and vertically between the couch and exposed duct, or that the top and bottom are exactly the same distance off the wall. However, that hour was totally worth it.
Cleaned out my car, bought and organized a new tool bag, got my modem, router, and wap working, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, got groceries, and cleared out some more boxes. Hell, I even found about $1500 of keypads & parts we didn't know we still had. Feels good, man.
Oh, and thank fuck for no more AT&T!