|Originally posted by Lews |
I don't understand why anyone cheats on the person they're with.
It depends quite a lot. I used to read quite a lot about it because it puzzled the hell out of me as well, and these are the three most common causes, as I recall it:
- Insecurity: The human psyche is far from being an invulnerable ironclad fortress in which doubt and despair are inpenetrable. If anything, it's the exact opposite. One of my fiancée's flatmates cheated on her boyfriend because "she didn't feel he could give her all she needed" and, instead of dumping him and moving on, he made his life hell, and slept with her boss (who was the quintessential provider).
- Sheer physical attraction: Attraction is not exactly a choice, though you can certainly say that what you do with this attraction certainly is something to be chosen. I believe this is what is happening right now with the latter cheater. She's very apparently very attractive to blokes in general, and since she moved to this new city, she's received a fair deal of attention. She happens to be in an abusdly-long-distance relationship, not unlike myself, and I know what it is like to have a bunch of attractive people surround you because you're suddenly the freshest piece of meat around. It's madrefunking awesome! I chose to turn them down because I'm a hopeless romantic, and though I'm an atheist, my concept of guilt may have played a role (I could've shagged two or three girls behind my girl's back and kept it a secret). Perhaps because this girl completely lacks a Christian background in which guilt is a fundamental trait (she comes from a shame society), perhaps she felt it was all good as long as no one else finds out. I remember this deeply pious former workmate told me with a straight face he cheated on his ex because "the girl was hot and he felt like it". He didn't feel a bit of shame/remorse about the whole thing.
- "The Rush": This could be related to the first point, but I decided to put it here because you may be in a stable relationship, with no doubts regarding whom you want to spend the rest of your days with, but you still appreciate the rush you get in early relationships (and doing something forbidden). My dad actually wanted me to "enjoy life and meat as many girls as I could before I settled down", the typo being intended, because this would help me appreciate something I never really missed/needed.
There you go