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tranceaddict Forums > Local Scene Info / Discussion / EDM Event Listings > Canada > Canada - Montreal > Joke of the day thread?
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ostrich
13percent.ca



Registered: Jan 2008
Location: MTL

A man staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card from
a telephone box offering sexual services. Back at the hotel he
rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers & asks
if she can be of any assistance? The man says "I'd like a blow
job, a shag doggie style, some mild bondage finishing off with
a soapy tit wank, is that OK"?

It sounds interesting sir" replies the woman "but you might
like to dial 9 for an outside line 1st"?


___________________
Ostrich
13 PERCENT


04.03 | Daome w/ Shed & Deadbeat
04.18 | Stereo w/ Matthew Dekay
05.01 | Salon Daomé
05.17 | Stereo w / Sven Vath
05.18 | Piknic Electronik
05.18 | Le Bleury

Old Post Oct-11-2008 22:27  Canada
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Nekya
Senior tranceaddict



Registered: Feb 2008
Location: quebec, Canada

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,

stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and

your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully

and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up.

It doesn't matter which number you press,

nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep

or before the beep or after the beep.

But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.

Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down,

hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.

You won't be crazy forever.


___________________
Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better...

Old Post Oct-14-2008 05:23  Canada
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Intellekshual
tranceaddict in training



Registered: Dec 2011
Location: Oubliette

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.


___________________
The only hard feelings should be in your pants

Old Post Oct-14-2008 08:19  United States
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DJ_SideFx
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Oct 2005
Location: Montreal, Canada

quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatik
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.



Comments: This story marvelously illustrates the perils of government waste; pity it's not true. NASA didn't have $12 billion to spend on anything when it first started sending astronauts into space in the early 1960s. The agency's entire budget for the 1960 was $500 million; by 1965, it was up to $5.2 billion, still not enough to throw billions away reinventing the ballpoint pen.

Be that as it may, astronauts in the Apollo program did begin using a specially-designed zero-gravity pen in 1968 called the Fisher AG-7 Space Pen. Nitrogen-pressurized, the pen worked in "freezing cold, desert heat, underwater and upside down," as well as the weightlessness of outer space. It was developed not by NASA but by an enterprising individual, Paul C. Fisher, owner of the Fisher Space Pen Company. By his own account, Fisher spent "thousands of hours and millions of dollars" of his own in research and development; not billions.

The Fisher Space Pen is still used by both American and Russian astronauts on every space flight, and you can buy one yourself direct from the company for a measly 50 bucks.


___________________
Raffi A.

Tribe Hyperclub - www.TribeHyperclub.com
www.House-Pacific.com
www.House-Pacifique.com

Old Post Oct-14-2008 10:13  Lebanon
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zeKsg
ZEK



Registered: Sep 2007
Location: Ottawa, Canada

quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatik
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.


I like it.

Old Post Oct-14-2008 16:26  Russia
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zoogla
Guest



Registered: Not Yet
Location:

quote:
Originally posted by DJ_SideFx
Comments: This story marvelously illustrates the perils of government waste; pity it's not true. NASA didn't have $12 billion to spend on anything when it first started sending astronauts into space in the early 1960s. The agency's entire budget for the 1960 was $500 million; by 1965, it was up to $5.2 billion, still not enough to throw billions away reinventing the ballpoint pen.

Be that as it may, astronauts in the Apollo program did begin using a specially-designed zero-gravity pen in 1968 called the Fisher AG-7 Space Pen. Nitrogen-pressurized, the pen worked in "freezing cold, desert heat, underwater and upside down," as well as the weightlessness of outer space. It was developed not by NASA but by an enterprising individual, Paul C. Fisher, owner of the Fisher Space Pen Company. By his own account, Fisher spent "thousands of hours and millions of dollars" of his own in research and development; not billions.

The Fisher Space Pen is still used by both American and Russian astronauts on every space flight, and you can buy one yourself direct from the company for a measly 50 bucks.

holy fucking useless info

Old Post Oct-14-2008 18:45 
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of_
his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly
dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and_sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"Your wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

"Well_when_you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees_and blows it right back up."

Old Post Oct-14-2008 18:53  Canada
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Nekya
Senior tranceaddict



Registered: Feb 2008
Location: quebec, Canada

quote:
Originally posted by fayraree
holy fucking useless info


Actually. It was interesting...


___________________
Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better...

Old Post Oct-14-2008 18:55  Canada
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

quote:
Tiesto

Old Post Oct-14-2008 18:56  Canada
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malek
drinks your milkshake!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Montréal

hahahah


___________________
[/IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/ngycqo.png[/IMG]

Old Post Oct-14-2008 19:00 
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zeKsg
ZEK



Registered: Sep 2007
Location: Ottawa, Canada

ahaha spin

Old Post Oct-14-2008 19:11  Russia
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Spin Laden
Nick Vachon approved



Registered: Jan 2006
Location: 1211 Ambien City Blvd, Canada, K1A 0A9

quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatik
My friend was asked by Global why he brought his dog with him to vote, his answer: Simple, he has better instincts and a nose for crap.



I wonder if he made the news haha.

Old Post Oct-15-2008 17:21  Canada
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