|Originally posted by squirrelly |
I don't really have a specific reason for my move. I suppose it's just the hope that I will move forward. Although I'm okay with living here in Orlando, I just feel as though as a whole, I'll never move forward with my life, and after all, that IS what we're supposed to do, no? Move forward, make new goals, be sucessful, not just sit in the same spot for the rest of our lives.
Yup, I'm somewhat the same way. I've never lived in one place for more than 4 consecutive years. I usually get restless, feel like I've been everywhere in the city I'm living in, and done everything I want to do in that location. I begin to feel like I'm missing out on something bigger and better and end up moving even if I like where I'm at. DC may might be slightly different though. I certainly don't envision myself living here for very long. But my situation affords me the ability to do a lot of overseas travelling. Since a different city (with a different job) would hamper my abilities to frequentely travel overseas, I think DC might be my home for a little bit longer than usual.
He stayed here with me last night and I fell asleep before he joined me in bed and it was strange, because it was a feeling of utomost comfort that I had while laying in bed while he was doing networking on my computer. I think leaving him behind will be the hardest thing for me to do.
This morning we had breakfast and sat down and drank our mugs of coffee while we talked and he just looked over at me and asked my reason for leaving, and I couldn't really give him one. Sometimes I think living in Orlando is simply unhealthy because it's nearly impossible for me to let things go while I'm here.
In all honesty, what do we look for when we look at another individual? What is it that sparks our interest in the beginning? Nothing but looks, for all you have to go off of are really looks, you don't know them yet. What makes an individual actually like someone else? Having the same morals, having different morals, looking for the same things in life? And then when you find that someone, or you think you have, why do we hesitate to say something?
We can see through the games, the facades, the insincerity but we choose not to. And then when you decide to start paying attention to the signals that things are headed in a wrong direction with that individual, all you are left with is disgust. Then when you start paying attention to your surroundings, all the beauty you thought you saw is nothing other than bitter and ugly. People say they want one thing and then attach themselves to something completely different. If you're frequenting downtown a lot, chances are there's something wrong with that picture. A girl that frequents downtown a lot loves the attention she gets, likes the feeling of being wanted, is turned on by people wanting to fuck her. A girl that wears barely any clothes is probably not the type who's going to stick around.
I was talking to him today about all of this and we had a long discussion about it, and I said that basically there are two types of people when it comes to relationships, those that choose to wait for something special to come along, and those that bounce from person to person hoping that eventually one of them will be something that they want. Some of them will even wait, no matter how painful it might be, once they found that one person, for an eternity hoping that one day they will gather up the courage to express how they really feel (like myself).
There are those who are somewhat ashamed that they are in a relationship so they stress to others how the relationship really isn't THAT serious, basically saying that even though they are dating someone, you still have a chance. Who wants that kind of a person? If they did it with them, they'll do it with you as well. Then there are those who are so happy to be with the person they really want, they'll have nothing other than a smile when they talk about their SO, and make sure everyone knows they AREN'T available. There are those that cheat, and then there are those that are so happy with the person they're with, they would never dream about leaving them for someone else. There are those who will wait forever for someone, and there are those that look for quick fixes in the mean time.
Which are you?
Heh, if you're looking for a relationship than maybe you shouldn't come to DC. I've found that DC is extremely superficial when it comes to the dating/going out scene. It almost seems like a puppet show at times, with people jockeying for attention, trying to win some kind of invisible popularity contest by seeing how many looks they can draw how many people they can get to approach them. People seem to derive their entire sense of self-esteem from that. How fucked up is it to outsource self-esteem? It's like people are incapable of the looking in the mirror and being honest and critical with themselves ... either that or they need some kind of outside confirmation to reinforce the belief that they have any self-worth.
Blah ... sorry for my rant. You actually sound to be in a very similar situation that I was 6 months ago.