Re: Re: Sexual Assault, #MeToo, and protecting friends from themselves
I had only paraphrased her statement to our group, she actually mentioned that Dave "stealthed" her. It was a term I had never heard before and after seeing your post, I followed up with these bills that Wisconsin, California, and New York legislators introduced and was unable to find any proof that they had been signed into law. So technically it is not a sex crime (yet) in those states. I definitely think stealthing should be labeled as sexual assault, if not explicitly a sex crime. Perhaps the punishment of being labeled a sex offender for the rest of one's life is borderline harsh for an act like stealthing, but there is certainly a case to be made for it.
|The main question is... Does he want to improve his life? He could just want to get rid of this problem (even if he genuinely regrets it) and keep partying.|
I'd think of Dave as a friend who's dealing with a DUI. Some people use the opportunity to take a long hard look at themselves and sort it out. Some others, however, may blame the circumstances, only to make a similar mistake again and again. I've seen drunk drivers nearly lose their lives and vow never to touch a beer again, only to make the same mistakes down the road.
I can only hope that he actually takes my concerns seriously, and not just repeatedly say "I know, I know" as we go over his screw ups and things he can do to improve, again like I'm his dad or something. I'm worried that he's not going to view his last year as an anomaly, or at the very least a significant departure from his previous self. Just that he screwed up and stealthed a chick. I am also concerned that he is going to blame the alcohol and make an excuse that because he was drunk, he didn't consider the repercussions. To me, if that isn't enough to re-evaluate yourself, you are no friend of mine.
|If he realises he "stepped on the ball", as we say in Portuguese, and he needs to get his act together, I'd recommend telling him he needs professional help. That's what they're for. You sound like a great friend, Nick, and you can be there for him, but you can only do so much. You can't deal with his demons on your own, and there's always the possibility he'll turn against you if you try to help him out.|
I will certainly recommend professional help if he can't come to terms with his mistakes. If he chooses not to take it, that is a choice he will have to make.
|If, however, he thinks it's a one off, and it won't happen again even if he doesn't change his lifestyle, what can you do? That's the path he chose when he ditched Karen, and I'm afraid there would be nothing for you to do other than hope for the best.|
That is what I'm most afraid of, him just brushing it off as a mistake he made while he was drunk and continuing to live his life the way he has been. Hopefully he surprises me with some well thought out steps to take towards a more productive future.