Random joke.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!!" What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went to a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you....she was so exited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with exited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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