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TranceAddict Forums > Main Forums > Chill Out Room > Getting older and losing friends
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OrangestO
–30–



Registered: Feb 2010
Location: London

quote:
Originally posted by ziptnf
Yeah, that wasn't as clear in your first post. To me it seemed like you were implying that people couldn't experience "true" camaraderie (correct spelling) if they stayed home instead of traveling or being deployed. In reality it's different for everyone. I'm happy in my hometown but one of my single friends is having somewhat of a quarter life crisis where he hates his job and his surroundings so he's buying a one way ticket to Southeast Asia to "find himself" or something. Maybe it will give him perspective on the comforts of living at home or maybe it will give him the drive to continue traveling and exploring the world.


Ah, so that's the correct spelling? Fuck me - fail lol.

All the best to your friend, and props to him for taking that leap of faith. It will without a doubt help him one way or another.

Old Post Jul-06-2017 19:15 
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Lira
Be a Good One!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Brasilia, Brazil and Manaus, Brazil
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Getting older and losing friends

quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
I'm not a complete idiot, Marcus.

I've never taken you for one, I can assure you that.
quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
By this stage of life, my circle of friends has been refined and purified. The people I'm friends with know are the kind of friends where you can sit up all night in a room talking, with no other source of entertainment, and never get bored before the sun comes in over the curtains. There have been plenty of other friends who've come and gone along the way, decent mates who ultimately I didn't connect with that well. I could make some more of those, if I went and joined a sewing circle, or some shit. But proper friends are hard to come by.

I get what you mean. Believe me, we're on the same page here.
quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
I mean, I take plenty of drugs.

All right, slightly different pages...
quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
And on a night out when you're PLUR'd up, you make loads of instant best mates. That's the most open and friendly you and everyone else will ever be. But although I've chatted to countless randomers and ended up at other people's places or had other people all back to mine until well into the next afternoon, there's only ever been a single occasion where one of those encounters turned into a lasting connection. And I got three really good mates out of it in one go. You can't plan that.

That's why I'm mentioning activities in which you're sober.

I'm not saying that belonging to a specific group is some sort of "Instant Friend Maker" or anything of the sort. What I'm saying is, get out and do what you like, and eventually you'll make proper friends. Unless, of course, your interests all involve getting intoxicated (which I'm sure they don't).

It's inevitable that, if you spend enough time among like-minded people, you'll eventually click with one or two.
quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
And at age 29, with a more serious job that tires me out, with pastimes and pre-occupations that fill my free time, the prospect of going out there and grinding away in search of potential friends is a lot more difficult than when I was 23.

And, at age 34, working nights and spending my weekends pretty much with no one other than my parents and in-laws, I'm just giving a different answer to your very first question:
quote:
Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Is this just an inevitable part of getting older?

All I'm saying is it isn't inevitable, it's a choice. If you can't be arsed to make this choice, it's pretty understandable, but alternatives exist.


___________________
“All I have learned, I learned from basslines.”

Old Post Jul-06-2017 19:19 
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SYSTEM-J
IDKFA.



Registered: Sep 2003
Location: Leeds
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Getting older and losing friends

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
That's why I'm mentioning activities in which you're sober.

I'm not saying that belonging to a specific group is some sort of "Instant Friend Maker" or anything of the sort. What I'm saying is, get out and do what you like, and eventually you'll make proper friends. Unless, of course, your interests all involve getting intoxicated (which I'm sure they don't).


I'm not actually sure I have any interests that would translate socially without at least alcohol being involved. Maybe that's a British thing. Alcohol is intrinsically linked to social behaviour in this country. Not that it makes any difference. There's nothing about being fucked up that makes you less likely to make proper friends - quite the opposite.


___________________
Mixes:
> Skipton's Only Prog Night [Warm Up Grooves]
> Welcome To the Future [Driving Progressive]
> Autumn Drive [Progressive]
> The Rebel Alliance [Tech/Progressive]
> The Sunset Session [Everything]

Old Post Jul-06-2017 19:55  England
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wotyzoid
it's not house



Registered: Apr 2007
Location: New Jersey

The older I get the more a grow fond of the expression "nearest watering hole".


___________________
Ulitmate Jams (TA's Share their classics mix)
mix 006
mix 002
december
une promenade dans le parc
nancy

Old Post Jul-06-2017 22:42  United States
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pkcRAISTLIN
arbiter's chief minion



Registered: Jul 2002
Location:

"relentless cheeriness"


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Old Post Jul-07-2017 07:02  Australia
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Jon_Snow
tranceaddict in training



Registered: Aug 2012
Location: RIP Mrs Brady

I saw that and was laughing too. I wonder if we swapped their birth location would Lira have grown up as bitter as jack.

Old Post Jul-07-2017 12:48  United States
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Lira
Be a Good One!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Brasilia, Brazil and Manaus, Brazil

quote:
Originally posted by Jon_Snow
I saw that and was laughing too. I wonder if we swapped their birth location would Lira have grown up as bitter as jack.

As it turns out, "Relentlessly Cheerful" is already trademarked by no one else other than... a Brit

As a Brazilian, I say that's cultural appropriation


___________________
“All I have learned, I learned from basslines.”

Old Post Jul-07-2017 17:20 
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Jon_Snow
tranceaddict in training



Registered: Aug 2012
Location: RIP Mrs Brady

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
As it turns out, "Relentlessly Cheerful" is already trademarked by no one else other than... a Brit

Not to get off on a tangent...

1. lives in FLORIDA

2. "Wookie the Chew" I wonder if he's Chewish.

3. I'm surprised he can legally sell illustrations of copyright images.

4. I believe your relentless cheerfulness predates his trademark and banal artwork.

Last edited by Jon_Snow on Jul-07-2017 at 22:43

Old Post Jul-07-2017 18:00  United States
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Vivid Boy
TA's GodFather



Registered: Sep 2001
Location: T.O

quote:
Originally posted by Silky Johnson
Ok fine, I'll speak to just your post then.

A while back we were out for Sunday breakfast, and at the next table was a young woman and much older woman. I assumed it was a grandmother/daughter relationship. We could overhear their entire conversation. The young woman was going on about her and her husband's troubles getting pregnant, and kept saying "I trust in the lord's plan for us." 'The lord' this and 'the lord' that.

At first I rolled my eyes to myself and thought "Oh brother, stupid fool..the lord ain't in control of shit."

But then I realized the relationship of these two was probably a connection through church, and I thought "How lovely these two women have a connection to share, and a community to share it in (especially the old bird)." The lord/church stuff was really inconsequential.

And I got to thinking about the erosion of community in recent times, and how neighbourly behaviour doesn't really exist in the same way it used to - people don't give much of a shit about each other or look out for each other, or take care of each other and hold each other accountable to one another. Something that I know belonging to a community like a church, especially, provides people with. I work with some nurses and doctors who all go to the same united church, and they are very involved with the community, helping others and such. I think that's lovely.

Now that we're starting a family, we've actually been considering joining a church (I was quite surprised when I mentioned the idea to my husband and he said he'd already been thinking about it himself). It's just such a nice thing to be part of, to be connected with others in the community and, as I said, to look out for others (outside of just family) and have them look out for you. The world (at least my part of the world) is only becoming more and more of a self centered "me first/fuck you" place - I think society could use social groups like church now more than ever. Especially since many churches nowadays are more progressive and not just focused on all the GOD SATAN HEAVEN HELL SIN REPENT shit.



Hilarious you say that because I feel i have finally mastered me first fuck you in my life and things have never been so prosperous.


30K ******s! fuck you pay me


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Old Post Jul-07-2017 22:48 
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Jon_Snow
tranceaddict in training



Registered: Aug 2012
Location: RIP Mrs Brady

Who says you can't have y'all cake an eat it too. Start your own church. Talk some god nonsense, heal a few ppl, you'll have em eatin out of your hand. Sheep throw money at you and it's tax free. Best legit racket goin thanks be to god and suckers. Fukc 30k pray n make a 100k.

Last edited by Jon_Snow on Jul-07-2017 at 23:24

Old Post Jul-07-2017 23:18  United States
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Lira
Be a Good One!



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Brasilia, Brazil and Manaus, Brazil

quote:
Originally posted by Jon_Snow
I believe your relentless cheerfulness predates his trademark and banal artwork.

Time to lawyer up!

By the way, I love how Jack seems to think I come across as relentlessly cheerful in words. I can only imagine how vexed he'd get when he found out Aaron Heslehurst is my spirit animal



His "over the top" presentation makes me feel like I'm watching an Aussie clone


___________________
“All I have learned, I learned from basslines.”

Old Post Jul-08-2017 03:02 
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Lews
Platipus And Prog Addict



Registered: Feb 2007
Location: Hugging Whales And Saving Trees

Being a member of the so-called cosmopolitan elite, or whatever nationalists call it these days, I suppose I'm rather used to losing friends as people follow careers and relationships to other cities or countries. Shit, my partner and I both left our home countries to move to London. Most/all the friends I've made since moving here also tend to move around a lot for work.

Another issue is also just that my own solo time for socialising, ie sans partner, is highly reduced, both because we live together and because I am more busy with my own career - and both of those limitations affect most of my friends, as well. Results in a lot of weekend dinner parties with other couples one is already close to, but not so much mid-week trips to the pub with friends, which is often a way of meeting other people, as people bring along friends.

I am very glad for the internet/globalisation/etc., as I can maintain relationships with friends who have left London - or are still back in my home country. Not to mention cheap flights allowing us to still catch up in person a few times a year.

I certainly have suggestions on ways to meet new people, other than through friends-of-friends, but many of my suggestions may seem a bit out-of-touch with reality

In many ways, though, this does seem to be a major problem in contemporary Western life. People finding it harder and harder to stay connected to people in person, social communities disappearing, more people finding all their connections to others through video games and online communities. By the time the robots do take over, will anyone notice?

Old Post Jul-08-2017 09:21 
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