APOLOGY TO THE ENTIRE TRANCEADDICT BOARD REGARDING FRAUD - READ INSIDE FOR THE TRUTH
I apologize to everyone, but mostly, the 6 victims.
Here is the real truth.
I have been diagnosed with a 6 year long depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and multiple other issues that Iíd rather not get into. I havenít been able to feel life in the past 6 years. I donít know how many of you know what that feels like. You probably donít. Mainly because if you could know what it feels like, then you donít know what its like not to be able to Ďfeelí
Psychologists and Psychiatrists who are treating me, say that I engage myself in illegal activities Ė whether its driving a 110 mph on the highway, regardless of how many tickets ive gotten, or stealing from innocent people, or even worse, cutting my body up with a knife Ė its only because itís a subconscious effort for me to generate endorphins and adrenaline, so that I can feel my body again.
I created this Stacey character, in order to gain trust. A lot of guys find it extremely attractive to see a girl know so much about music and DJ gear. Its like our big fantasy? Marry the hot DJ chick. I felt that it would be easier to manipulate the victims if I was a girl, than if I was a guy. Stacey is actually the name of a girl I was once in love with, but broke my heart, without even knowing it. There is no ex-fiance, there is no Nick, there is nobody but me. Its all me.
The victims are all thinking the same thing Ė "oh boo hoo you fucking criminal, just because you have a fucked up head and an even more fucked up life, you decide to try making yourself feel better by fucking up mine? FUCK YOU"
I understand the rage everyone here is probably feeling towards me. Ive felt that same rage. I was once screwed by someone on PayPal, when the company gave less attention to fraud cases. Its only been recently till the company toughened up, because of that bad press they were getting. I figured, hey if someone could screw me over, maybe I can screw someone else over.
Money makes me do crazy things. My therapist says that money makes me feel secure. If I have it, I feel better about myself. At the time when I first started with the schemes, they were small. In the case of the Powerbook, the guy did get a powerbook from me, but I advertised it as being brand new with a 1.5 ghz processor, and a 4x dvd burner. He actually got a powerbook, but it was used, 1.25ghz processor, and a 2x dvd burner.
Then I started pulling bigger schemes. In the case of d3020, he paid me $200 for some records. Then it started getting into much bigger things, like in the case of Tegu.
I know my word means nothing to you all, but you do have my word that people are getting paid back. DJThanh already posted that he got his payment, d3020 will be receiving his tomorrow, Scorpionís money should be sent out tomorrow, and then Tegu and Jthorn, I need to deal with outside the board because their amounts are so much higher.
To the people who were actually supporting me, you guys did help me out a lot. It was you guys who made me want to just stop all the lies, and come clean finally. Donít feel like you were naÔve or duped, you guys are good people who helped me start thinking more rationally.
The stories I wrote were all true. The thing about me being in a hit and run accident, the thing about flying Markus Schulz to San Francisco and throwing a free all age party, all of it. Its true. I know that I am a good person at heart, its just that I do stupid things like this because of deep psychological issues that Ive already explained above.
Earlier today, I was chatting with a MOD, who has met me in Miami for WMC. I tried to get him to lie for me, and say that the IP match was a mistake. My biggest concern is that my name is attached to all this crime now, and it is circulating on the web. If you google my name, it pops up in the first few matches. I am worried about this haunting me for the rest of my life. I told him that I could no longer live with myself, if I knew Iíd be branded a criminal for the rest of my life. I think that best way to put it is that its like the ďglass-ceiling.Ē I look up and see the person that is good and honest, above that glass. But from now on, no matter how honest and good I am from here on out, I will never be able to reach that good person status above the glass ceiling.
Its sad, Arturo and I used to be good friends. I remember taking him out to Olive Garden in Miami last year for WMC. He will vouch that I typically am an honest, good person. As TorontoTranceAddict mentioned, I am fairly known throughout the electronic music industry. My reputation in that industry is as pure as a virgin. Many producers around the world, some of which are very well known, send me their tracks, sometimes a year in advance of its release because they know I would never betray their trust.
I just hope that eventually, you guys can all forgive me. Realize it was a mistake. I am going to pay for that mistake, but like I said to my friends today before I decided I was going to shoot myselfÖ..The more people slag me and call me a criminal, the only more of a criminal I will become.
Who knows, maybe tomorrow I wont be alive. I still am very angry at myself about this. I called a guy I know to ask for a gun. I am probably going to be all night writing out a will. Maybe I can make it up to the 6 victims by distributing my records, dj gear, and my entire studio to you guys in my will.
I donít know. I feel like Iíve reached the end of my road. I donít want to keep walking on this rocky road.
I am sorry. I am so sorry.
Last edited by Spective on Jul-29-2004 at 12:46