hey man! thanks for dropping by my thread
first thing that sticks out to me is you're mixing at a very loud volume. i would take it all down for me, the synths are far too synthy - i would work on designing them to be more warm and less abrasive. finally, that stock sylenth arp has GOT to go!
work on your sound design and mixdown, and come back to this track in the future. musically, it definitely has some potential to be a solid listen best of luck